Customer Reviews
Made me feel less of a freak. - By: Acquafortis, 04 May 2008 
I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever had problems with their mother or simply need to understand mother-daughter dynamics. This interplay does not only effect the direct protagonists but it also has a profound effect on our choice of friends, partners & work. Understanding this relationship means starting the road to real maturity.
I myself being a person who isin therapy because of a dominating mother, found this book helpful. Reading about other women having problems with their own mother helped me feel less lonely & less of a freak.
The book is dividedin various sections amongst which the various types of dysfunctional mothers & the different types of dysfunctional daughter. One the result of the otherin a series of cause & effect transmitted down through generations.
Reading it helped me understand more of what my therapists says & proud of having started a journeyin not only discovering myself but also maybe of one day being able to accept my mother for who she is....a person with all its pros & cons, daughter & product of her generation & those of her forebears.
Very sound advice. - By: B., 26 Feb 2008 
I bought this for obvious reasons. Being estranged from you mother can be a very lonely, isolating thing. After all, how many people do you know who aren't close to their mother? Notin a "grrr, she drives me crazy... let the answering machine pick up & I'll deal with her later" kind of way, butin a "I haven't spoken to my motherin years & it's better that way" way?
Personally I don't know of anyone other than, well, me. Andin that sense this book is a tremendous help. Reading the first-hand account of othersin the same boat made me feel far less isolated & alone.
There were also profiles offered of the types of women who've fallen out with their mothers & then moved on (i.e. are you an overachiever? a troublemaker? a defector?). This part had me scoffing: "I'm not that easily pinned down," I huffed. Then I got to the chapter on defectors & my jaw hit the floor. I suppose if that's not a tribute to this book I don't know what is.
And while some fences can never be mended, the overall tone is a good one: reminding us that no mother ever starts out wanting to hurt her child. That maybe my mother was a victim of her circumstances as much as I've been a victim of mine, or you've been a victim of yours.
Forgiveness may not be an option, but acceptance & understanding should always be something to strive for.
A very informative Best Friend! - By: K. Harvey, 27 Jul 2007 If you have been sending SOS signals to all your friends & family about your relationship with your mother then this is the book for you! Whether it is just an irritation or a completely Life-ruining distress, this book is an easy-to-read but very informative Best Friend!
No-one is trained to be a mother & so many women wind up with an emotional responsibility that they are simply not able to deal with & don't know why. Many are still overwhelmed with unfinished business from their own childhoods. This book does not make excuses for bad mothers but nor does it condemn, it really helps to find solutions. Even for those of us for whom there are no solutions, understanding helps to come to terms with it.
You may feel as I did at first that the book seems too simplisticin its approach but don't be deceived! As I persisted I found that I was wrong. It is extremely profound & exacting & Victoria Secunda has drawn on the expertise & experience of a number of brilliant specialistsin their fields. Honestly, I think that this is one of the truly great, ground-breaking, self-help books, right up there with "Toxic Parents" by Dr Susan Forward & "Women Who Love Too Much" by Dr Robin Norwood. It is not only fascinatingin its own right as a good read but could dispel those endless, sleepless, weepy nights & save you a fortunein counsellors!
"When you and your mother can't be friends." Victoria Secunda - By: Berenice Hickey, 19 Jun 2007 After speaking with my mother on the phone, I was left feeling attacked, defeated, belittled, challenged & totally confused again! These feeling were familiar & predictable. I had ordered this book months ago. When it had arrived I had put itin a drawer & left it, part of my denial of the situation & subconscious willingness to continue this destructive pattern as to me it felt "normal".
This time I felt too sick & tired to go on, so I found the book & read it. What a huge relief to find I was not crazy after all! As a result I have gone on to read many more books on destructive relationship patternsin the family, & only wish that I had done so years ago. It would have saved me a lot of suffering & heartache. This book was my initial liberator. I now feel so much more peaceful & free of worry & upset that I am a different person for having been given the tools to face the truth.
Every Child Should Have A Copy! - By: , 25 Oct 2002 This book is quite simply life-changing.
Forget weighty psycholgy tomes with their dry identification of signs & symptoms of labelled personality "disorders" of parents & children, read this & find out how these wretched behaviour patterns were set upin the first place.
Incredibly illuminating, compassionate & sensible, this is a must for any daughter who feels misunderstood, embittered, angered, or simply saddened by their relationship with their mother. Or their father, for that matter. Very, very helpful stuff.
