Customer Reviews
Great for improving any Romantic Relationship! - By: C. Clayton, 23 Aug 2008 
John Gottman is a respected expert on relationships who has done extensive research with married couples over the past two decades to determine why couples stay together or part. Although Gottman's book is about marriage, it has some excellent insights for understanding some of the important dynamics of long-term courting relationships. The book provides many exercises, quizzes, techniques & tips to understand & improve courting relationships.
Gottman notes that his years of research show that a lasting marriage results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitablein any relationship. He also notes that there are three different styles of conflict resolution that healthy couples usually adopt. They are: the validating marriage (couples compromise & calmly work out their problems attempting to satisfy both people), the conflict-avoiding marriage (couples agree to disagree & rarely confront issues head on), & the volatile marriage (couples conflict often & the results are passionate disputes).
John Gottman also discusses what he calls "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse." These are the dangerous ways of interacting that sabotage attempts to communicate. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness & stonewalling.
Well written & informative, Gottman's research has uncovered some worthwhile & thought provoking ideas on long-term relationships. Understanding these concepts can be helpful when trying to understand oneself & when exploring long-term compatibility with a companion.
The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide To: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking
Seems quite sound - By: calmly, 25 Oct 2007 
So many self-tests but doing them seemed worthwhile. I felt a lot better about my marriage after reading this book & evaluating the tests, as it seems a lot of what I worried about doesn't spell trouble, according to Gottman, & we seemed to be on a right track together. In areas for which the tests indicated improvement would help, it seems that focusing on a few practices goes a long way. Still, learning not to be defensive doesn't come easy. Avoiding "flooding" by calming techniques (breathe, breathe) seems to pay off a lot.
My impression is that Gottman's advice is valuable given how hard marriage can be. I appreciate that he avoids stereotypes & any system of speculations. I expect to return to this book now & then to try to keep on track.
Positive advice on strengthening your marriage - By: Rolf Dobelli, 01 Oct 2007 If you & your spouse are screaming at each other over what color to paint the downstairs bathroom, it might be a sign that your marriage isin danger - but then again, it might not. The fact that you argue is not the issue. Problems, conflicts & disagreements are inevitable & unavoidablein life &in a marriage. The key to a stable, healthy marriage is the way you air & resolve conflict. Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for more than 20 years to identify what, if anything, healthy & failing marriages havein common. Based on his research, the most innovative part of the book, he believes that he can predict with 94% accuracy which couples will stay together & which ones will fall apart. Failing marriages tend to follow the same downward spiral, a path that leads to loneliness, anger, negativity and, eventually, dissolution. Recognizing these destructive communication patterns is the first step back to a healthy relationship. Gottman's research, conclusions & recommendations hold up surprisingly well. We recommend his timeless advice to couples who want to avoid - or address - marital pitfalls.
Helpful for normal couples - By: Dr. J. H. Beattie, 27 Aug 2006 
This book pinpoints the key causes of marital deterioration based on scientific study & provides useful advice for normal partners who both have the potential to accept their mistakes, resolve their differences & take corrective action. It is not really useful for those people who have a mentally or physically abusive spouse who is unlikely to accept that there is a problem let alone change his or her behaviour. In this case, following the advicein this book is likely to erode any remaining relf-respect that the abused spouse may have. There are some rather stereotyped views expressed on subjects such as housework & discussion of realistic & creative solutions to the division of traditionally male & female dominated domestic chores is ignored.
This book cleared up many unanswered questions for me!! - By: , 03 Jul 1999 This book has given me the knowledge of how to deal with problemsin my future marriage & to prevent things from going bad. Before I read this book I didn't understand why my finance acted the way he did at times, now I do & understand.
