Customer Reviews
worth a look? - By: jane austin, 12 Oct 2006 
Undoubtedly yes.! I am not sure this book needs yet another review but here goes anyway.
Like many other womenin this situation - being married to a PA man - I fervently wish I had had this book 25 years ago! Even today I note that there is only Scott Wetzler's book out therein this specific area, or does anyone else know otherwise? I do have some criticsm of the form Scott Wetzler has decided uponin his book, namely that most irritating of devices - giving the reader case history notes of clients he has treated. Whenever I came across another 'Bill & Helen'or Joe & Sue'' example I skipped the page after rapid scanning convinced me that no two peoplein this PA drama are ever alike! Unhelpful & superfluous, but that is my only criticsm, as there was plenty of immenseley helpful other materialin the book. Putting it simply - reading it was like turning on the light. And all those years I sincerely believed I was helping (trying & failing)a traumatised & above all else a PEACEFUL man, deal with the aftermath of a typical English family upbringing (sent off to boarding school at the age of 12)and a battlefield of a so called marriage to a - God help us - fullblown Narcissistic Personality! NOW I know that he chose to live with such a woman & that I was next - the rescuer!!
If I have one word of advice (two or three actually) to any warmhearted, compassionate woman on the brink of commitment to a PEACEFUL man I would say READ THIS BOOK!! He is avoiding, denying & negating his anger & the peavish, deceitful & cowardly way these guys find of nonetheless dealing with it, is equally abusive & as destructive as pointless rage.
A final observation. I have spent the last few intense days examining my own psyche & why I was attracted to such a man. Not something I like the look of but I am dealing with it!
How to break up after all these years is proving so hard. It will be me who has to make the break - PA's don't help!!
This book saved my sanity and has given me hope for a future - By: , 16 Apr 1999 Gradually, over a period of 18 years of marriage, I started to sense that maybe some of our marriage problems could be attributed to a personality disorder. I read about various disorders & came up with suspicions of Passive Aggressive Disorderin my husband. One night, two years ago, I decided to go to the bookstore to find a book just on PA Disorder. There it was, like it was waiting for me - Living With The Passive Aggressive Man!! I went straight home & read all night, armed with a red pencil & underlining passages & starring sentences. What a catharsis!
Now, 2 years later, I reread the book to remind myself that I am not crazy, that I am not a bitch, & that I am doing the right thing to file for divorce, even with 2 daughters who love their father. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, because, as we all know, he's SUCH a nice guy..... Well, luckily he IS a nice guy , but he has a lot of problems to work out to learn how to establish an honest relationship with someone, including his daughters. I honestly wish him the best of luck.
The only thing missing from Dr. Wetzler's book is helpin divorcing the Passive Aggressive father of your children, especially pre-adolescent daughters. I felt a little lost about what to do next after reading about my lifein the book.
A mirrored image of my "relationship"-help is needed! - By: , 27 Mar 1999 How did Dr. Wetzler know? I have been living with a "personality" type that is an exact reflection of Dr. Wetzler's case studies. I have played every role - manager, mother & now the victim. All the literature reports that children, especially teens, are adversely affected by parental divorces. This PAPD has gotten physically abusive ( rest assured - it was my fault) - & is ALWAYS verbally abusive - "Don't make me have to fight you." or, "You keep on & I will have to hurt you - no threat- just tellin ya like it is." Dr. Wetzler provides a glimmer of sanity for the spouse of a PAPDin that there is another world out there. I would like to have seen some suggestions as to how to end a relationship where children are involved. Thanks, Dr. Wetzler - you have provided a life line through your touch with reality.
Like reading a biography of my ex-husband... - By: , 02 Sep 1998 I am so grateful to Scott Wetzler for writing this book. It has allowed me to forgive myself for taking the final step & getting a divorce, de-coupling from a situation which only someone with iron-clad self-esteem & unswerving vigilance could survive.
"He doesn't hit you, he doesn't drink, he doesn't run around, & he likes to cook. What more could you wantin a husband?" That's what my ex's late mother used to say. But something was definitely wrong with this picture. He wouldn't work. He wouldn't talk. He wouldn't acknowledge responsibility for anything. But he loved therapy. Years & years of couples counseling didn't help. I found it hard to get a handle on what was wrong until reading this book.
Wetzler successfully calls attention to the "sins of omission" as opposed to the "sins of commission" & that truly is the crux of the problem. Also, the slippery logic, the convoluted rationalizations, the comfort of paralysis, the narcissistic view of the universe. I was trying to engagein give-and-take with a passive aggressive man, & that is plain impossible. My hands just kept sticking to the tar baby.
My ex was good-looking, intelligent, & charming. But the solitude, the procrastination, the silent treatment, the inability to hold a job, the supreme sense of entitlement, the refusal to argue or engagein any discussion of issues, blaming me for his failures, using abstinence as a weapon... In ten years of marriage, my husband never uttered my name.
I kept waiting for the waves of remorse to flow over me after I'd made the decision to separate. After all, I was 36 when I married him. Although I should have been wise then, I let me desire for a family & my desire to "help" him blind me to the obvious.
Now I feel as if an albatross has been removed from my neck. I have renewed strength. My self-esteem is returning. I am vigilant as a bulldog because we have two small children. PAs are basically scofflaws who discount all negotiated agreements, don't feel rules apply to them (taxes? child support? are you kidding?), & will manipulate even little children to get their way. I am now prepared, thanks to Dr. Wetzler, to stand my ground.
Comprehensive and useful information. Could not put it down. - By: , 16 Aug 1998 I am married to & have two children with a passive aggressive man. I have searched local bookstores for a book on the topic for 2 years. One night,in desperation, I searched Amazon for a book on the subject & thankfully, I found this book by Scott Wetzeler.
Scott Wetzler clearly outlines the personality of a passive aggressive & concise terms & offers comprehensive solutionsin how to deal with this personality.
What I loved most about the book were the validating stories told by other women that have experienced the, frustration, humiliation & emotional abuse, while involved with a "PA". I read their words over & over againin partial disbeleif, that my exact feelings & discription of the behavior, were staring back at mein black & white.
I urge anyone (male or female) who isin a relationship with someone who sulks, does not respond to a direct question or insists they are not angry even though their actions tell you otherwise, to read this book. It will save your life, as it has mine.
